a mo'fucking christmas miracle

so the other day, my mom opens the guest room closet just the teensiest bit to look for the christmas tree skirt (which we apparently lost mysteriously at some point during the year). i peeked my head around the corner, attempting to be helpful but instead--


mom is all nonchalant-- oooh. this old thing? i found it second hand but i neeeeever wear iiiiiit.

i slip it on squealing and i do a little jig *teeee hee hee hee hee plaidy plaid*

despite my embarrassing behaviour, mom has changed her tune and thinks i look quite dashing in the coat. something about how i'm basically the most fashionablest.

my mom took this one ^^, which is why i'm standing in front of a curio cabinet with houseplants behind me.

brrrrr. its cold in here. (something something something in the atmosphere *high kick*)


okay so on top of this coat being basically the hippest and raddest of all coats in this plaid-crazy day and age...this is the label:

yes. this is a CARIBOU COAT FOR CANADA'S NORTH. make no mistake, ladies and gents! this is a gen-u-wine JP Hammill and Son all the way from Guelph! the height of canadian couture!

****** BREAKING NEWS******

i am getting a new brand new fancy camera so soon my pictures won't be the worst. i'll even get a certain life partner of mine to take them so i won't have to be all myspace taking pictures in the mirror. HOT BUTTER.


yeller jeans (up high in banana treee)

oh yeller jeans. i love you deeply.

i don't have a picture of my own yeller jeans, because i'm at my parents house right now in my old room from high school which is painted red. you'd be surprised how hard it is (for someone with no photography skills) to take nice pictures in a red room. YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED.

(be surprised now)

so this is a random adorable girl who lives on the internet wearing her yeller jeans.

these might be ralph lauren. i don't care because i'm bad at blogging about fashion. my yeller jeans may or may not be from stitches. they look exactly the same.

you might be thinking: i know this girl who writes these words and while her jeans may look the same as this cute blonde girl, that is about the only thing the same about their appearances, esp. in the hipsassthighcalves(c)ankles region.

you are a pretty mean friend, is what i think back to that!


srsly though. i am not stupid, and will probs always wear a long top with my yeller jeans. so everyone doesn't have to look at my big yeller ass. i am always thinking of these tricks!

i have bigger breasts than that cute blonde girl.


walmart: evil or evil AND the best.

okay so normally, i will not post anything here that i bought new, but sometimes i do buy things new and occasionally they are as rad as this.

so. my mom wanted to pick me up some pj pants for christmas, and, because she hates shopping, she wanted me to pick them out myself. so i'm looking through the absolutely destroyed sleepwear section of walmart that is full of xxs and 3xl sized pj pants and i found this treasure:


anyways, it was seven dollars. it is under the label 'gotham girls' i guess for the new cartoon, which i clearly must watch.

i went back to see if there were any other styles, like poison ivy or catwoman, but there were none :(

i also found out that this is a pajama top. dude.


these are a few of my newy-est things.

so i had a dental surgery consultation the other day (booooooo). but i had some time to kill before hand and there was a value village across the street so my mumly and i checked it out (yaaaaaaaaay).

so no one told me that value village is expensive because they organize the shoes by sizes and generally don't have total crap. whatever. i forgive you all. here is what i gots.

exhibit a) a knitted toque that matches my purple and gold WESC headphones PERFECT.

pics with the headphones to follow when i am less lazy and maybe showered.

exhibit b) this great bracelet which many would find hideous but i think is the coolest piece of jewellery i own. it jingles a lot which i am not used to.

yes, those are leaves and little plastic balls rest in the grooves on the leaves. the leaves are complemented by long tooth-like plastic beauties.

wo--oo--aa--ooh EXTREME CLOSE UP.

exihibt c) the best exhibit. vintage 80s canadian made COUGARS.

these scuffed up boots fit my feet like a dream. as if someone had already walked in them for over 20 years just so that by the time i wore them, it would be canadian-made magic.

the cougar logo reminds me of rocky and bullwinkle

it's starting to almost kinda feel like real winter here in the big city, and my feet have been super toasty every time i wear these out. for boots older than me, that's pretty much the best. the real test will be when i take them up north, eh? for the holidays.

i have faith.

value village ftw.



a night at the roxton (ha. ha.)

So the other night, I was invited out to The Roxton for a friend of a friend's birthday. I wasn't planning on wearing anything particularly neat or interesting, but when I threw on a tee shirt and jeans my boyfriend said "....is THAT what you're wearing?"

So I said FUCK YOU NO IT ISN'T. I mean please this is bloor and ossington we're talking about. Hipsters live there now, gotta step it up.

So I remembered the last time I went to Goodwill (surprise, surprise) and I found these amazing curtains from some fly kid's bedroom. I said I MUST HAVE and bought them for three bucks. I gotta admit, I don't have a before picture (although I have lots of material left over) because I was hella drunk when I put this together. It's lucky took pictures at all.

So yeah. I just cut a long strip of these curtains, threw 'em around me, knotted it a few times because it was too long, and tied a pretty bow. Then fastened it all temporarily with paper clips (for reals, it stayed together fine the whole night even).

On my arms I am wearing American Apparel Thigh High Socks if you can believe it. Ladeez, this is what they look like when they FIT. Which apparently only happens when your thighs are zombie thin. Mine aren't. They look like hell on my thighs, but awesome on my arms, so I figure that's a good compromise.

Basically, when I am drunk sometimes I can make cute things from fly things.


because because because because becaaaaaause

so this gem needs no introduction, really.

my darling mother bought it for me from goodwill because of how loud i squealed when i saw it. it's hard to tell but it is fabric mounted on a wooden frame. i have to admit, dorothy looks slightly terrifying with her weird blotchy red cheeks and maniacal grin.

i would like to also point out that wesco-reltex sounds like they make robots, not fabric.


the fat man's golf shirt: a fairy tale

once upon a time, at the sherwood forest mall goodwill*, there lived a fat man's golf shirt. it was sky blue and neon orange, which made all the other fat man's golf shirts jealous. one day, an open minded princess saw the delicious sky blue and neon orange golf shirt peeking out from amidst the gray, white and black on the rack. she scooped up the fat man's golf shirt! it was love at first sight...

but when the open minded princess got her prince home, it was not quite happily end times. while eating cupcakes, she snipped and sewed and absolutely did not measure anything first. she may have listened to lady gaga and britney spears on repeat in the 4 hours she toiled away over the fat man's golf shirt, but i can neither confirm nor deny that.

she even had to stop and wind a new bobbin at some point, which involved finding her sewing machine manual...

but finally, she found the true face of her prince!

damn that is one hot prince. that prince is fiiiiiiiine. can we see that prince one more time?


and so ends the story of the open minded princess and the hot messfest of a prince she found at the sherwood forest mall.

and they lived pretty happily ever after, even though most of the seams are unfinished.

*this is a real place. there is a sherwood forest mall in london, ontario. i highly recommend it.

boston girl: a love story

on a very eventful trip to the orillia goodwill (which actually has outrageous prices now! i overheard thrifty moms complaining about ten dollars for a sweater...) one of my finds included this absolute monstrosity of a sweater with a cable knit V neck.

okay so its not completely monstrous. although it is a red-orange with navy blue accents! ah! i hastily tried it on and knew that i must have it.

this was the icing on the messfest cake. the tag reads 'boston girl'. omigoodness, i think! a genuine piece of boston girl couture! oh-la-la! je t'aime!

one of my biggest problems with goodwill shopping is that i completely ignore the fact that something is huge on me and buy it anyways. this was obviously one of those times. can you blame me? it was BOSTON GIRL. how to make this wearable? EASY!

snip snip snip. i cut off the sleeves. that's it. no unraveling for this baby--she's got big, sturdy seams.


luckily, that gaping-open-sleeve-with-tube-top-underneath look seems to be a thing right now. so i don't even have to sew up the sides (which is obviously too much work to put into a boston girl).

so it's not the most classy or beautiful garment in the world, but that's not what i was after. boston girl and i will drink reasonably priced coffee together while sharing moderate views about politics. <3

inaugural postings

hay there

i have a habit of buying really ugly second hand clothing from cheap places like goodwill (none of this value village nonsense). mostly it sits in my closet and every so often i revel in its awfulness.

but sometimes i get out my scissors and my sewing machine and various pins and belts and i try for the love of god to make-it-work!

and i usually end up looking like a bit of a messfest.

anyways i hope to chronicle my successes and failures here--and sometimes to just document my finds (if you can call them that).